10 Ways How I'm Becoming A Better Man.

10. Learn to identify social status
I have learned to see little cues that tell me the “social status” of people around me. For example, a person of high status may seem a bit distracted when he’s talking to someone, while a person of lower status will be giving him 100% of this attention. Or, it’ll be clear to you who has the higher status when you see a man and a woman out on a date and the woman is standing there with her arms crossed and the man has open body language and is smiling. I try and look at groups of people and try to see who has the status. Why? Because when I go into a situation where group dynamics are happening, I'm going to want to quickly identify who the person of high status is and connect with them. I also want to behave like a person of high status, so when I'm communicating with important people they don’t simply blow me off.

9. See my self-deception habits
We all play games with ourselves. We avoid seeing some things because they’re too painful. To become a better man, I'm becoming an expert on my own self-deception habits. Daniel Goldman, the author of Emotional Intelligence, said that one reason self-deception is such a freak show is because the process covers its own tracks. So, when I have one of those rare moments when I actually notice myself deceiving myself, grab that moment, work it through and get the lesson. I do this over and over again and I'm taking my personal development to the next level.

8. Balance learning and doing
Some guys will come up to me and say something like: “You have this idea, but here’s a reason why I think it won’t work.” When someone says this to me, I instantly know that he has never actually tried the idea he’s talking about. If you want to know if an idea works, don’t just study it -- go out and do it. Other guys whine that they’ve tried something a thousand times and it doesn’t work. But have they studied different ways of doing it? No. These guys are all about doing, but no learning. They’re all execution with no theory. I need both. If I'm running into a problem, it’s probably because I'm putting too much focus on one theory and not the others.

7. - Constantly improve myself
This is an idea I got from W. Edwards Deming, one of the most influential productivity experts of all time. I am continually working to improve everything I do and every part of myself. You’ll find the people in life that are always working to improve are the ones who have massive success, both with women and life. I got rid of this idea that someday I'll “arrive,” that I’ll be the perfect person and I won’t have any room to improve. I'm open to growth and never-ending improvement.

6. Stop projecting my weaknesses onto others
If you want to find your issues really fast, make a list of all the characteristics you hate in other people. Then make a list of all the characteristics you admire in other people. Hold up the two lists in front of you; the ones you hate the most are most likely the ones you hate the most about yourself, and the ones you admire the most are ones you’re not giving yourself permission to develop. I am working on replacing the characteristics I don’t like, and let myself develop the ones that will take my life to the next level.

5. Eliminate bad habits. Get better ones.
Habits are like rivers: The more water runs through it, the deeper it carves over time, until you have things like the Grand Canyon. Do you think it’s easier to change course when the river is new or millions of years old? My point here is that habits I’ve had for a while are more difficult to uproot.

4. Know when I'm out of control.
Whenever I sense that I'm losing my grip, I just stop. I don’t judge myself. I don’t get down on myself. I don’t make myself a victim. I just stop and reflect. I don’t force myself to try to take control back because that’ll just make things worse. Instead, I just stop and get some space. Spend some time alone, meditate, do something that distracts me. Then come back when I'm ready. An out-of-control guy isn’t the kind of guy who attracts women or lives a fulfilling life.

3. Make my territory mine.
One great factory feature we humans come with is the idea of being territorial. It means I have a certain physical space that is Ir area, and I don’t like others intruding. I figured out how I can make the space I live in, my territory; how I can make it uniquely mine. So that when I get pressure from the outside and need a place to chill, I have a place that I want to go to. As soon as I walk in the door, I can already feel myself relaxing and feeling “at home.” But I protect my territory. I make my territory mine. Own it. Women will respect me for it too.

2. Lead.
Having spent some years trying to figure out how to lead, I’ve learned that what’s interesting about leading is all the “counterintuitive” aspects of it. Less experienced people think leadership is about controlling other people, but what I’ve found is that effective leadership is actually finding people with high potential and then supporting their own achievement. Even if you I don't want to be a “leader,” it’s still important to study it and learn how to do it -- so when the situation calls, I can pull the skill up and use it. In life, when a crisis comes up people look around to see who’s going to grab the ball and lead everyone to safety. I've learned how to be that guy. By the way, women are naturally attracted to guys who lead.

1. Stop idealizing women.
A very common mistake men make when interacting with women is to put on a pair of glasses that helps them say: “I will endure anything she says, I’ll overlook any flaw, if it means I can get one step closer to having sex with her.” When I'm interacting with a woman, I stop idealizing her. I've stopped putting a halo around her head. Why? Because if I idealize her and fail to recognize all the cues about how she really is, I'm going to get myself in a heap of trouble. I'll be in love with someone who is deeply flawed and I missed it because I lied to myself. I've stopped idealizing. When I meet a woman that seems perfect, I hear the warning in my head that says “Stop Idealizing!”. It has made a huge difference in how fulfilling my life is.